How to Eat Raw Woms...the live performance.

There’s just something special about young boys when they get together that sparks a certain adventurous energy.  Think…Little Rascals…Bad News Bears…Goonies…

The kindergarten class had recently taken a field trip to a local community theater to preview the live adaptation of the children's book "How to Eat Fried Worms."

Last weekend my two oldest boys walked down to our neighbor’s house to play in the backyard sprinkler with their young kids and a friend from the neighborhood.  The group had a blast running through the water, splashing and otherwise just “being boys.”  My wife and I strolled down later for an impromptu BBQ and enjoyed some good conversation while the herd of muddy little pirates roamed the yard and chased one another.

Once we corralled them to the “kid’s table” and attempted to get them focused on partaking in the traditional kid summer meal of hot dogs and baked beans, I started to hear giggling from our neighbor’s daughter, the only girl amongst the gaggle of guys.  As I listened I got the idea that my oldest son had done a bit of entertaining before we arrived.  I was curious as to what feat of strength he had bestowed upon the young audience when I caught the punch line…

“Caedon ate TWO WORMS!”

Instantly the kids roared and started shouting out their version of the tale as my son turned red with either excitement, embarrassment…or maybe a bit of both.

I asked him, already knowing the answer…”Is that true kiddo?  Did you eat worms?”

“Just two…and I didn’t eat ‘em Dad…I just swallowed ‘em.  The first one didn’t taste like anything but the second one tasted like dirt.”

Then one of the kids spoke up and said “Brody ate one too!”

When I asked him, Brody’s response was :

“I did not eat it!...I just put it in my mouth for little bit and spit it out!”   

Thanks for clarifying Brody…

Now I know my boys are not picky eaters compared to a lot of kids their age, but I have still heard them argue and negotiate their way out of many a delicious meal…and yet they eat worms…

The adults were all openly disgusted and/or embarrassed, depending on whether the child was their offspring or not…me, I was secretly just a little impressed.  That is a pretty daring feat. In the right crowd it could probably score a guy $5 bucks.   Not sure that I could do it.  There was a time in college…but the worm had long since drowned in tequila.

This is going to be a really good summer.

Super-Short Nondescript Fiction #1

There was a time when it all made such perfect sense. Such simple and beautiful sense. 

Lately it has not.

Now as the last of his blood empties onto the frozen earth it seems to make sense again.  Cold, stern sense, so concrete when held in contrast to the last 4 months.  All he can hear now is his heart straining to beat in his chest and all he can feel is the cold wind.  He has fallen and knows he will not be getting back up.  His eyes are fixed on the glow of the sun, still visible through the thick overcast sky.  He knows that if he lets them close they will remain that way forever.  Even now there are no thoughts of regret, no anger.  He did what he knew need be done.   

Others around him would not have taken it as far.  No one else will know how much it took to see it through, to the end.  He didn’t want them to walk this last mile with him, and looking back now, he wonders if any of them could have.  Michael would have, but his passion would have caused him to overreact and his angry mind would not have been clear enough to carry out that last act.  His fingers would not have been steady, his breathing would not have been controlled, and people would have paid with their lives, innocent people.  He will surely feel the most responsibility when they all find out how it went down.  He will show his rage.  Nothing would have changed this outcome, but he will still beat himself up again and again about what more he could have done.  You just can’t please everyone in life, or apparently now…in death either.   

Still though, this is what had to be done and this is the way things played out, right or wrong.  

Things are getting colder now.  The sun must be behind a cloud.  

The wind is picking up but everything is so very quiet.   

My opening at our Annual Meeting...

Years ago when I was in charge of planning and running an annual meeting for a local BANK, actually it was here…and we were all wearing cowboy hats…but that’s a story for another time…I was a bit nervous about speaking in front of the group so I asked a seasoned veteran of the podium, who was there that night how he does it with such ease and confidence. His reply, “Well Chris, I start with a joke, usually a bad joke…that way anything I say afterward will sound intelligent.”

So, thanks to Rod, here’s your humor for the evening:

A quick summation of the country we live in and the credit union you bank at:

• Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

• Only at a credit union can a teller answer the phone and know who you are by the way you say hello.

• Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of rollerskating rinks.

• Only at a credit union do we ask how your grandchildren did in last week’s basketball game and THEN ask how we can serve you today.

• Only in America......do drugstores make sick people walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front counter.

• Only at the credit union do we invite the entire population of Wayne County to a picnic each summer, just so we can say HI and cook a few hundred hot dogs.

• Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. -------I am so very guilty of that one.

• Only at a BANK do they leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. PLEASE NOTE OUR PENS ARE INTENDED TO BE TAKEN at the credit union!

• Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

• Only at the credit union can we come up with a way to help you get rid of old documents securely, save 10 trees AND help feed Wayne County’s hungry all in ONE EVENT! Our Shredding Hunger event did all of that and more!