Night of the Living Dad

Sleep. It's truly something you take for granted until you can't get it. Lack of it can turn you into a mumbling zombie. Braaaaiiiiins......brrrraaaiiinnss...where are my brains....

I can remember the last good night of sleep I got. It was almost 8 hours back in March of this year. It was a Tuesday night. What a glorious Wednesday that was. I really think my kids are working together to try to weaken me, like an inmate at Guantanamo, they coordinate efforts to wake my wife and I up every 2 to 3 hours so that we never really fall into a deep sleep.

I wonder if they have researched it. Maybe we should listen in when they are at the park playing with other kids. What if its a global conspiracy and they are all working together...

Wikipedia says its a very effective form of torture and interrogation:

Sleep deprivation can be used as a means of interrogation that some believe will constitute torture when used to excess. Under one interrogation technique, a subject might be kept awake for several days and when finally allowed to fall asleep, suddenly awakened and questioned. M. Begin, the Prime Minister of Israel from 1977-83, described his experience of sleep deprivation when a prisoner of the KGB in Russia as follows:

"In the head of the interrogated prisoner, a haze begins to form. His spirit is wearied to death, his legs are unsteady, and he has one sole desire: to sleep...Anyone who has experienced this desire knows that not even hunger and thirst are comparable with it."

Maybe they want to know something...is there really a Santa Claus...is the Easter Bunny real...will the water in the pool really turn purple if we pee in it????

For crying out loud at this point I wish they would just ask...I would spill the beans about it all. Every silly parental half-truth and outright lie would be gladly revealed if only they would let us sleep for a solid 8 hours. "is there a boogie man?"..."YES...he lives on the other side of the tracks and has to update law enforcement when he moves.." "Was that really chicken we ate last night?" "No...it was fish...oh for the love of God it was fish...now let me sleep!" Whatever you want to know just ask you cruel little captors. Just let us sleep...

Just in case you happen to be a parent suffering from this torture, know that you are not alone. Stay strong. They will someday be teens and they will sleep in until noon. Of course then they will be driving and we'll stay up all night worrying about them wrapping the car around a telephone pole...

If you think you might be suffering from from sleep deprivation here's an excerpt from an E-zine article that will make you cry...

One of the most common and easily identifiable sleep deprivation symptoms is that of drowsiness or daytime fatigue. We all intuitively understand that if we don't get enough sleep we're not recharged and therefore are tired the next day. The more we get little to no sleep the worse that fatigue is for us.

Another of the signs of sleep deprivation is a reduction in memory and mental performance. When we are low on sleep the brain suffers. The ability to process mental tasks as well as access and form memory is hindered. If we go without sleep for long enough then it can become serious to the point where tasks can be dangerous. Studies on sleep have shown that driving while suffering from a lack of sleep is similar to driving while under the influence. It is estimated that tens of thousands of car accidents happen each year due to sleepiness. Also like being under the influence we sometimes give ourselves credit for more control and awareness then we really have when we are tired.

There are behavioral effects of sleep deprivation as well. Sleepiness can affect the levels of brain chemicals at work which in turn can alter our mood and mental state. People who are suffering from a lack of sleep can often develop forms of anxiety and other adverse mental states. It also lowers your ability to deal with stress.

The behavioral effects of sleep deprivation can extend into a negative outlook on life and even sink into full fledged depression. This becomes a vicious cycle as depression often creates insomnia which produces more sleep deprivation that increases the depression. Getting out of this cycle once it starts is hard.

Sleep deprivation symptoms can also include increased illness. Sleep helps recharge the immune system. When we don't get enough sleep our immune system loses effectiveness and has a harder time fighting off illness. Our bodies are more easily overrun. This results not only in more frequent illnesses but longer recovery time as well. If you are noticing that you are sick more often or that you take longer to get over an illness than you used to then it may be that you aren't getting enough sleep.

One website on sleep deprivation quoted a 1999 study that showed glucose metabolism is reduced when we lack sleep. This produces symptoms similar to the beginning stages of diabetes. Improper processing of glucose drastically impacts a host of bodily functions from immune system to brain function to energy levels and a whole lot in between.

Yep...they are trying to kill us. Stay strong. It's not to early to pull out the "Santa Claus is watching" card when you need it...unless you've already spilled the beans...then you are pretty much screwed.