Thursday, December 8, 2011

Family is the great gumbo of life.




I like gumbo.  When I was a bartender at Applebees working my way through college I loved Thursdays.  It was chicken gumbo day.  The soup du jour.  At Applebees it was, as is everything there, very very consistent.  No surprises.  It was really my only gumbo experience.  Growing up in Northeast Ohio does not lend itself to a wide range of culinary exploration, especially in the gumbo arena.  So the never-changing Applebees gumbo was in my mind the “good stuff”, the norm.

Turns out that gumbo and normal should have NOTHING in common.
Once I was married and branched out a bit in the cuisine category I started noticing that each different restaurant had its own wonderful variation on all sorts of dishes.  I realized that between the Midwestern food of my youth and the cafeteria consistency of college food service and then the standard fare of Applebees, the virtually endless world of food had been completely lost to me.  I had never really considered what an artform cooking could be.  Granted I did occasionally get creative with hot dogs and ramen noodles when the grocery budget had been blown on an unexpected Thursday night out.  But this was very very different, and I wanted to taste it all.

One of the things that I decided to make my goal was to taste test all of the Toledo area restaurants' individual take on gumbo.  There was no shortage of restaurants in Toledo (not much else to do but eat) and unlike many of the other dishes; gumbo was something I could actually afford in almost any restaurant, even as a newlywed fresh out of college.

There was the peppery seafood-laden Joe’s Crab Shack gumbo, the much more chili-like Hungarian gumbo of Tony Packo’s, the standard Creole style gumbo from the Old Navy Bistro (my favorite) and the fancy lobster gumbo of Mancy’s.  All was wonderful.  All was gumbo, all had very different ingredients and very different effects on the consumer.  One could expect anything from a general overall warming of the body to an outright rush to grab the nearest beverage after each bite.  Whatever the effect I loved them all.  My next step was to learn to make it myself.

What I found when I started to look around for recipes was that depending on where you looked, they are all completely different except for 3 ingredients that seem to be the glue that hold the “gumbo” label to the dish.  Rice, meat, and heat.  All of the gumbo recipes I found had these three things in common.  They all had some form of rice or soft grain all had a meat or preferably variety of meats, sausage, chicken, shrimp…and all had some level of heat.  Spicy is relative to the tongue of the taster.  To me if gumbo doesn’t make beads of sweat start to appear on your brow after the third bite its nothing more than spicy soup.  Kid’s stuff.  Starter gumbo.  That was not what I was interested in.

Once I started in on my gumbo cooking adventure two things happened.  First I became more comfortable with my wife working second shift at the hospital, because I could come home from work, stop by the market and cook myself into a corner without her seeing the mess or tasting my experiments and second, that using a recipe for gumbo is not unlike copying someone’s biography and putting your name at the top.  It just doesn’t work.  Gumbo is about exploration, variation and experimentation.  It is about using what lurks in the back of the fridge and finding that it tastes great with okra.  It is individual and it is NEVER exactly the same twice.  Alton Brown says it right when he was quoted “Gumbo is a very spiritual food, and much of the satisfaction comes from who you are eating it with.”  It’s flavor depends on the environment.  It depends on who its cooked for, and the venue it is to be served.  Its ingredients depend on the region it is cooked in and what is commonly available there.  It is always different, yet always gumbo.

I am remembering all of this now partly because I am admittedly hungry, but mainly because as I have grown older I have come to realize that my always standard and normal Midwestern family is changing.  The flavor is far different from what it was in my youth.  It used to be predictable, like the Thursday Applebees gumbo.  I used to be able to come home and have the same conversations and see the same people and give the same hugs.  Over the past decade or so the recipe started changing on me, but my craving for the same old taste didn’t.  Some ingredients were removed, Grandparents passing, marriages ending.  Some ingredients changed, brothers growing up, family relationships stressed.  Some new ingredients added kids, new spouses, new friends.  All very different, yet still family.

This happens to all families.  And just like all families it is a huge stress to mine.  Feelings have been hurt, anger has taken the place of acceptance.  The taste of the gumbo is very different now than it used to me.  I am realizing that just as gumbo is gumbo despite being different every time, family is family despite being different every year.  It still has the same core ingredients; mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, spouses, kids and grandparents and it is still spiced with all of the emotional baggage and love that goes into every family stock pot.  I realize that just as I did with the gumbo, I need to experiment to find out what works best with the current batch.   

No matter what though, family is family.  It is just as varied and as diverse as gumbo and it can be too spicy and hot for some palates.  The key is to find an appreciation of each ingredient, new, old and even bold. And it never hurts to have a beverage within reach.

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